The Fruitful Home

It is always a pleasure to read an Ann Benton book. Her style is down-to-earth and practical when writing on family matters, whether it is caring for young children or elderly parents. Her latest offering is no exception.  'The Fruitful Home' is based on her many years of parenting and running parenting courses.  She writes according to the principle given in the letter to Titus - as an older woman teaching the younger. The emphasis of the book is that of the importance of creating a gospel culture in the Christian home, and the necessity of weaving our faith into every aspect of our lives.  This may seem obvious but Ann shows how the current culture or trends can creep in and subtly squeeze out Biblical principles in the busyness of everyday life.
Beginning with Psalm 128, Ann shows the importance of a sound Biblical ethos to undergird all of life in the Christian home. Whatever mistakes are made, if the gospel essentials are there then the home will flourish.  This is the basic premise.  Ann then digs into the foundations to look at the building blocks of the home; the Structure, the Substance and the Story. With these sound foundations in place, Ann then continues on to look at the furnishings, the day to day living out of Sorrow, Sympathy, Service, Sharing and Sojourn.
This is a helpful little book, not an onerous read, and when read with thought, one that will give much profit. For Christian parents, those who truly love and fear the Lord, this book is a gentle reminder to maintain the Gospel culture in the home and stand against the worldly culture that frequently knocks at the door.

The Fruitful Home by Ann Benton, £4.99

The Life You Never Expected

Just received this thoughtful and valuable review from a couple who also parent special needs children:

The buckets of sound counsel in this book have been drawn from deep waters: ‘I am come into deep waters where the floods overflow me’ (Psalm 69:2).  Perhaps it is only those floundering in the ‘deep waters that cross life’s pathway’ that will fully appreciate the spiritual and practical wisdom that saturates these pages.

In ‘The life you never expected’ Andrew and Rachel Wilson write candidly about the shock, disappointment and frustration of adapting to a life that not only wasn’t expected, but wasn’t wanted.  As the shock subsides and a ‘new ordinary’ replaces former dreams, so the authors explore the ‘Jobesque’ conundrum of faith in suffering.

The sub-title ‘Thriving while parenting special needs children’ is somewhat misleading and unfortunate.  At best it suggests that this is some kind of lifestyle manual with a spiritual twist; at worst some sort of prosperity gospel tackling life’s most complex questions in a flippant and superficial manner.  The introduction soon allayed these fears as the authors acknowledge that they are ‘feeling for God’s purposes in the dark’, ‘the need to find God and lean on him in the storm’, concluding that ‘for us, nothing short of a Saviour is enough’. Amen, to that!

The real value of this book is the way that the short, punchy chapters shift the focus away from the self-pity, self-indulgence and bitterness that are the natural domain of those feeling the isolation and pain of coping with life with disability. Our thoughts and coping strategies are recalibrated - lifted above the temporal drudgery to the uplifting, eternal realities revealed in God’s word. Perhaps, at times, the book is not telling us anything we don’t already know or have not already considered – but it does crystallise our disjointed musings with its clarity of style and biblical insight.

A few highlights:

• Thankfulness in a world of entitlement: ‘if what you have is greater than what you deserve, then that’s where thankfulness comes from. If what you think you deserve is greater than what you think you have, then that’s where bitterness comes from.’ And, of course, we deserve nothing – apart from death by sin. ‘Grace, by revealing both how much I have and how little I deserve, helps bring me to a place of humility and thankfulness’.
• Individualitis and the dung gate: this chapter demolishes the notion that ‘the world is mainly about me’. Malchijah is put forward as a role model – ‘he sits marooned in the midst of an incredibly long and dull list of names in Nehemiah 3....All we know is that he spent a short period of his life doing something very mundane, very smelly and very unnoticeable: he fixed a Dung Gate. Yet in his mediocre, ordinary way, Malchijah, along with all the others, helped establish the kingdom of God on earth....I was always inclined to think that God’s purposes came about through great leaders...travelling preachers, justice campaigners....Mostly, however, they don’t. They come about through millions of unnamed people doing unheard of things, in unnoticeable ways, to the glory of God. Repairing a wall. Teaching a classroom of seven-year olds. Sweeping a street. Running a business. Raising autistic children. Fixing a dung gate.’ 
• The true battle: ‘the fake battles are a whirlwind of phone calls, government services, websites, more phone calls, forms, applications, more phone calls. And each of these can distract me from the true battle, which more often than not, is not fought that way. Frequently , the weapons of the true battle include silence, prayer, thought, clinging onto a Scripture passage with my fingernails, singing through gritted teeth...reaching for Jesus through the mist of confusion or unanswered prayer....I love my kids most by not loving them the most, but by first loving Him’.

As might be expected from authors of a charismatic persuasion there is a chapter on healing, but, on the whole, this topic is handled in a fairly orthodox manner. Our bodies constantly heal themselves as part of what might be termed common grace; God can and occasionally does still heal miraculously if he chooses; the healing through means such as modern medicine is a gracious gift from a loving God; the healing in the last day when our bodies are raised incorruptible, spiritual, glorious – without affliction, pain or disability – ‘Autism and Down’s syndrome and schizophrenia and Alzheimer’s are swallowed up in victory’.  

We recommend this wise and thought-provoking book to all who ‘sink in deep mire, where there is no standing’ who are ‘come into deep waters where the floods overflow’ (Psalm 69 v 14). It may be part of God’s sovereign purpose that the deep waters last a lifetime – but, as this books underlines, full provision has been made in the gospel for the life we didn’t expect. 

Parenting Against the Tide by Ann Benton

Oh yes! Another parenting book!  But it's a great read I promise.  Ann Benton writes in her inimitable down to earth style with a good dose of common sense and wry humour.  In other words, without wishing to offend, it is very English.  Ann takes a refreshing look at the often nonsensical way of the world on many issues: the self esteem myth, the muddle of relativism, obedience, correction, gender distinctives, screens, affluence and more.  I was reassured that it is not just me that thinks the world has gone mad!  However, this book is not a negative look at changes in society and the treatment of children, but gives a positive view of how a Biblical model for parenting makes so much sense and is always relevant to our current situation, regardless of the latest secularist trends. We know our children were 'born in sin and shapen in iniquity', we know that not everything they produce is fantastic and that with enough positive encouragement they will be child prodigies, we also know that some disappointment and criticism is essential to developing well rounded characters.  Most importantly we know that we have a God who sovereignly rules over all things, children and parents included.  This book is an excellent reminder that the Bible is our guide, not the current theories in child psychology; that our treasure is in heaven, not here on earth and that is where our aims in parenting should be too.
Lorna

Parenting Against the Tide - A Handbook for 21st Century Parenting by Ann Benton, published by EPBooks, £7.60 from us although I have a damaged copy that can go for £6.50 to the first person who mentions this blog post when ordering.

Christ in the Chaos

This really is a little gem of a book and I'm sure I won't do it justice in reviewing it.  Kimm Crandall is brutally honest about the chaotic nature of motherhood, but makes no attempt to give 'top ten tips of being a less chaotic mother' (what a relief!).  The essence of it is captured in the subtitle 'How the gospel changes motherhood'.  The Gospel!  For a true believer, the gospel and the power of it known and felt in the soul is what changes everything (not just motherhood).  But because Kimm applies the true message of the Gospel especially to motherhood it really strikes a chord with those mothers who feel that every day they should do better, try harder, be more patient, not shout, remain calm, keep the house clean, the children clean, the husb... etc etc (does that cover every mother??).  Actually, what matters is Christ.  He knows our failures before we do and in spite of them, He loves us.  Kimm presses this point all the way through the book and applies it so practically to the reality of our day to day lives as mothers.  Whether it is our desire to be the perfect Mum (and outwardly only showing this mask), our comparisons between our parenting skills and others, our inability to keep calm in aggravating circumstances, our struggles to meet the ever-changing needs of our family, our felt failure to keep the home... and so the list goes on. How often we bind ourselves up in rules and lists of our own making. But what liberty there is in the gospel! 

The writing style of the book is very direct and at times Kimm took me by surprise in her language. However, the truths she expresses have been written about throughout the ages and only the day I finished the book I read a piece by J C Philpot (1802-1869) which chimed in beautifully with its essential message.
Highly recommended for all Mums AND Dads (actually, I think this book wouldn't go amiss read by most people who feel they struggle with understanding how the gospel applies to their chaos).
Lorna
Christ in the Chaos, by Kim Crandall, published by Cruciform Press, available in paperback or eBook.

Tripped up by Tedd...

Sorry, that was the sort of awful pun that only my husband is allowed to come out with! The truth is that I found Tedd Tripp's book 'Shepherding a Child's Heart' very helpful and it still comes off the shelf from time to time so that I can remind myself of the importance of sticking to my guns when discipline seems to be heading out of the window with the children (not the children heading out of the window...). So I was interested to see his new book, written with his wife, entitled 'Instructing a Child's Heart'. I have to confess to not having read it from cover to cover, partly because I started to struggle a bit with it. I definitely like the basic principles he sets out, and some examples can be helpful. However, at the risk of once more sounding racist, my struggles have been with the 'Americanisms'. I would love to find a family, British or otherwise, who actually has conversations as set out in this book. Please let me know if you do and I will take my hat off to you.

Here's an example... Billy has been complaining about his breakfast and this is a suggested response...

" Billy, complaining comes from the heart. Your complaints over breakfast expose internal problems, don't they? a complaining spirit shows a thankless, ungrateful heart toward God and others. 2 Timothy 3:2-4 lists ungratefulness with sins of godlessness..."

Now, while this may be a worthwhile conversation to have about complaining, I know that in reality our breakfast time complaints are more likely to be met with "Come on boys, eat up, we need to get to the shop"!

I don't like to focus though on the negatives and the positives I draw from this and other of Tedd Tripp's books is that he reminds parents not to focus just on the outward behaviour of our children, but to look to their sinful hearts and help them to recognise the sin that is within. He stresses the importance of a Biblical worldview that is not clouded by the changes in society. He highlights the need for clear and careful communication. He emphasises the importance of living out our faith in front of our children and 'practising what we preach'. For this, I can overlook the 'Americanisms'.

Instructing a Child's Heart, by Tedd Tripp, published by Shepherd Press, £10.95

Lorna

Christian Behaviour by John Bunyan

Those that know me will know that I have a certain fascination with books on 'Child Training' - I am always tempted to buy them in, then they sit on my bedside table for months while I decide if they really are any good and if they are worth stocking. Having now read 'Christian Behaviour' by John Bunyan I realise that really all these books could be boiled down to a few pages - and John Bunyan does this perfectly. This small paperback (76pp) starts by expounding Titus 3:7,8

That being justified by his grace, we should be made heirs according to the hope of eternal life. This is a faithful saying, and these things I will that thou affirm constantly, that they which have believed in God might be careful to maintain good works. These things are good and profitable unto men.

and, as you read further you realise how important this introductory section is. The 'ground rules' are laid down: Faith is all important. Bunyan then moves on to the specifics - the master of the family, parents, correction of children, masters to servants, duties of wives, duties of children to parents, servants to masters and neighbours to each other. He writes in typical puritan style with lots of subheadings and sub-subheadings but he is easy to follow and very practical in his applications. For only £2.95 (maybe the low price explains the poor cover design?), I really would recommend this as a useful addition to any bedside table!

Lorna